Saturday, June 7, 2008

Silent treatment!!

Oh!! A million thanks to every kind woman who inspired me on this topic... The "famous silent treatment" that women have forever ushered on the male species… The weapon that can penetrate hearts that even generous bottles of free alcohol couldn't... The weapon that my grand mom used effectively and passed on to my mom… The same weapon that my sister uses on her husband now and my mom secretly smiles, reveling in how the student has caught up with the master…
" Ladies and gentlemen ... my one tenth of wealth on one of womankind's most lethal strengths ..."
No trick of the book is as deceptive as this one. All you have to do is keep MUM!! Say nothing!!It's that simple. Ideally all of us should be able to do it, right? This is when the buzzer rings and the red bulb flashes. Wronggggg!!!! The Silent Treatment is a master's art. One which is subtley at its best... There are so many parameters and nuances - how long do you keep quiet, when do you start, how do you make the man realize that it's the silent treatment he is being subjected to and not just a peaceful day, what do you say to finally break the silence ... get it? What seems like a simple two step process (keep quiet, speak) is actually more complicated than tying your shoe laces with your arms tied behind your back. For starters, silence will not buy you the reaction of remorse you want to see in your man. Because just silence will reveal it instantly that you are upset and the man will start with his acts of seeking (or is it pleading) forgiveness pronto... The silent treatment is like coffee - real pleasure requires prolonged simmering. So the trick is to not be completely silent but instead, be decreasingly vocal…
"Wanna go out for dinner?" the man would ask.
"No," you reply. Not a word more. Don't explain anything. That’ll make him wonder if it's actually the beginning of the silent treatment or if it's just a terse reply.
"Wanna go for a movie?" he'll ask you soon, to reaffirm his fears.
"No," you reply again.That's when the man gets freaked out. He's almost sure that he is being served the mother of all doses but he still has a spec of doubt.
"Are you angry?" he'll ask.
Now you will be able to sense the urgency in his tone. Don't say NO this time. Just nod your head. Maybe add "No, I'm fine."
This is when the man officially freaks out. See… the reason why the silent treatment is so effective is because men never know what the woman is so angry for… It's the suspense that drives us nuts. Now all men know they screw up. More times than they should… So there are the guilty moments playing in their mind. However, they are just not sure which one blew his lady up!!!
"Is it because I drank at the office party?"
"Is it because I didnt remember which day of the week it is?"
"Is it because I called your mom fat and dad fatter? WHAT IS IT? Tell me. Tell me." They go berserk in no time. And that is amazing for the ladies. Without saying anything they figure out all the things they should've been angry for - and that just adds on to their aggression. At this point ladies, turn up the volume of the act. Start twitching your lips. Do the fake "I'm about to cry and my eyes are almost red" eye motion.Tears roll down as if they have a lifetime stock of glycerinein their eyebags!! Maybe even sniff and breathe a few sighs. That'll scare the crap out of the man. Coz as I mentioned, the beauty of the Silent Treatment is that men have no clue how severe their blunder is and how long the ordeal will continue… It's like watching a Hindi soap on TV - every week you think that the drama has reached its peak but things still go on for fourteen years!!!!
And finally the outburst... Don't mess that up ladies. Then you have a great movie with a lame climax. Don't just blurt out "You forgot our five month three day anniversary" and spoil the classic moment. Either shout out loud or shed a few tears when you finally speak - but whatever you do pose the crime back to him as a question --
"You don't know why I'm angry? Right! Ask yourself ..."
Yes, this will just blow up your man. Then he knows that he is standing in the face of a canon - just waiting for you to blow it up!! And then.... go for the kill.
Sorry men. The silent treatment does NOT work on the ladies. They just think it as a blissful silence. Also if done for long enough they don't serve you dinner and just say "If you were hungry, you should have just asked for food." Thanks to my friend atul who has inspired me in thinking on these lines...However i would like to mention that, guys...this friend has so much to say with jus living in with a women for a year now..think of his plight if he had to commit the foolishness of getting married to the same girl...Friend i think the best gift you could give her after a year of living in is to let her GO!! Am sure she will come back to you and thank you vehemently for the most noble thing you would have done in your lifetime!!

3 comments:

one among you said...

Silence is gold - oops no it costs more than that at times.

sidwho? said...

As a wag once said..its better to remain silent and be thought as a fool thyan to speak and confirm it

Afterdark said...

Sunil, one of best posts. Invariably any topic on men-women relationship comes with a potential of making a great post. Nonetheless, it is the truth that hits you hard is what makes the post so interesting.

We all live with a potential time bomb in hand, with the danger of blurting a mistake which has greater and graver consequences, and the original anger creating sin pales in comparison.

God save men! Amen